Thus, I can only imagine the embarassment I've caused Cody in making him don a green-ish thong instead, and hope the other robots didn't laugh, call him names or prevent him from playing in their robot games. If so, please email me and I will make amends by sending you a 4 pack of flesh-colored thongs, so that you never have to suffer this way again.
Now, onto the reason I could not make it last night. As I left COMO CYCO headquarters and headed towards town on the back of my commuter bike (Ol' Bessie), I happened upon a number of bikes locked to a bike rack and noticed that one of them had some objects impaled upon the spokes of the rear wheel! Seeing this, I dismounted Bessie and got out my camera phone to take some photos.
Upon closer inspection, I realized that these were oranges that some miscreant had jammed onto the spokes of this otherwise unsuspecting, cheap-ass, department store bike. At first, the sight of such bicycle defacement angered me. But then it occured to me that someone had "shamed" this bike because of its cheap and lowly status like a college freshman after a six pack of Natty Light. Instead of bagels on the nipples and EasyCheese in the crotch, this little bike got some citrus in the spokes.
But as soon as I finished taking the photo, I noticed someone scurrying away from the scene of the shaming by bicycle. I whistled to Ol' Bessie, but she just lied in the grass and acted like she didn't hear me. So I grabbed her, hopped on and went after the fleeing culprit, chasing him all the way to Stadium Blvd. where he was trying to make his getaway.
The fellow was wearing a full yellow rain suit, riding a foldable bike loaded with two panniers and carrying a messenger bag full of what appeared to be oranges. Now I understand the anger that a cheap department store bike can incite in a hardcore cyclist, but I think there is a saying about those who live in glass houses needing to be cautious about casting stones. At any rate, I attempted to chase the fellow down, but as you can see in the photo above, he was wearing a rear view mirror on his helmet AND was going really, really fast! Thus, he must have seen me attempting to draft him. All of a sudden, everything went black and the next thing I knew, I was coming-to in the non-existent bike lane on Stadium with a lump on my forehead and orange pulp on my face. The Orange bandit escaped and rode away to shame another day as I turned Ol' Bessie toward home to lick my wounded ego and nurse my orange-whooped ass. So I'm really sorry I wasn't tending bar last night in my leprechaun outfit....believe me, I was more disappointed than you were!
In all seriousness, mine is hardly the most interesting or noteworthy mea culpa in the cycling world today, as ESPN and sports commentator Tony Kornheiser are trying to eat their words over comments Kornheiser made on his radio show regarding cyclists, recently: