(Especially frightful are the pasty white thighs on French Borat #1. The way they are pressed on one another is like two giant lumps of dough being squished together.)
No, I'm talking about this guy.
Like some freakish phantasmagoric spectre, this guy burst forth from the crowds wearing pink dishwashing gloves, house slippers, no pants and a young girl's pink raincoat. Paired with that were his sunken eyes and mouth agape in what must certainly have been a blood curdling scream. I enlarged his photo and was struck by how much he resembled a pink version of a Sleestak from the old Sid and Marty Krofft show, the Land of the Lost.
Those god damned Sleestaks still scare the shit out me. If I had been Bert or Andy and this guy had come at me like that, I would have dimsounted immediately and totally 'gone Barredo' on his ass with my front wheel.
Anyway - on to Friday Mail!
I think I spotted you at the Cascades Classic bike race this week, macking on a couple of fine looking promo girls....I recognized you because of your fez. Nice work, man!
Dammit - You busted me. I was hoping the beard, sunglasses and World Wildlife Federation totebag would have sufficed for a disguise....but the damned fez will always be my undoing. I just can't leave home without it.
Firstly, it's important to note that I'm a normal heterosexual and mildly homophobic, very straight, woman-lovin' dude. I know there are certain practices I have undertaken which may be perceived to have certain homosexual undertones to the uneducated and causal observer.....such as shaving my legs, wearing lycra, applying chamois creme to my nether region, etc. But I seem to get a disproportionate number of derogatory comments questioning my masculinity from my non-cycling friends....especially if any of them happen to see me on one of my team's group training rides. How can I dispell this myth? Here's a photo of last Saturday's training ride...I'm the one in back.
Well you can start by taking the race number off of your bike when you're just training. That's totally 'ghey'. Other than that, I think you're good. By the way, you may want to look for the light switch inside your closet....cause I think you're going to be in there for a while.
As we get nearer to cyclocross season once again, I want to train a couple of guys in my support crew to be able to provide better support to me during races....like handing up fluids and food efficiently. This is the technique we used last season....which I'm pretty unhappy with. Can you trouble shoot it for me?
Dude, not to offend Howie above, but it looks like you are staring in some gay porn movie. At least you had the common sense to shut your eyes before your buddy unleashed on you.....but even that was pretty unnecessary as he is leading you out way too far with the beer stream. Clearly he is sending you a message that you need to speed up. At any rate - you need to tell your quarterback to improve his aim a bit or better yet, try a beer bong instead...it's a much more direct delivery system.
Check out the haircut. Bikes are fricking SWEET!
Nice one! Next time try this one out.
Have a great weekend. Thanks for reading, everyone. Thursday Caption Contest winner will be announced on Monday! Ride safe!